Anxiety
Once again, back on the horse.
For someone who enjoys writing as much as I do, it is a shame I don't do it more often. I have a few minutes before dinner, so I figure now is a good time to get started.
Right now, my anxiety and panic is 100% out of control. I was doing pretty well until I miscarried. After that happened, my world seemed to truly fall apart. I started experiencing a great deal of stomach pain. On top of that, my panic attacks gradually started increasing.
For those who have never had a panic attack, let me enlighten you. It starts off as a feeling that something isn't right. Just a general feeling of anxiousness. Your legs start to get restless. Pretty soon, your heart starts beating faster, you start to sweat, you have trouble breathing and thoughts race through your head. Not pretty thoughts either. Thoughts that include every terrible thing that has ever happened to you. They can consist of over analyzing your panic symptoms. My chest hurts! Is it a heart attack? My left side feels funny! Could I be having a stroke? Eventually, the shaking starts. Full on body wracking shaking. That list is not all inclusive; just a small portion.
When the absolute fear is the worst, I honestly feel as though that if someone doesn't help me, I will die. That makes sleep nearly impossible. The terrible fear of not waking up is the worst.
My anxiety used to just be limited to my panic attacks, but now it has started to affect me all day long, almost every day. My head hurts, my neck aches, my hands and feet tingle and go numb for short periods of time. My stomach hurts constantly. Episodes of severe acid reflux cause left sided chest pain that radiates into my shoulder and down my arm. Things start to look funny. It's like being in a dream. Things look surreal, as though you cannot focus on any one thing. It is almost impossible to function daily.
Yet, despite all of my ailments, I attempt to put on a happy face and try to keep it together for the kids. Thankfully, Xanax doesn't knock me on my butt like it used to, so if I'm desperate, I can take one and still be perform my motherly duties as needed. The good news is that I'm usually pretty good during the day....it is night time when things really come to a head for me. I'm becoming very afraid of bedtime.
For someone who enjoys writing as much as I do, it is a shame I don't do it more often. I have a few minutes before dinner, so I figure now is a good time to get started.
Right now, my anxiety and panic is 100% out of control. I was doing pretty well until I miscarried. After that happened, my world seemed to truly fall apart. I started experiencing a great deal of stomach pain. On top of that, my panic attacks gradually started increasing.
For those who have never had a panic attack, let me enlighten you. It starts off as a feeling that something isn't right. Just a general feeling of anxiousness. Your legs start to get restless. Pretty soon, your heart starts beating faster, you start to sweat, you have trouble breathing and thoughts race through your head. Not pretty thoughts either. Thoughts that include every terrible thing that has ever happened to you. They can consist of over analyzing your panic symptoms. My chest hurts! Is it a heart attack? My left side feels funny! Could I be having a stroke? Eventually, the shaking starts. Full on body wracking shaking. That list is not all inclusive; just a small portion.
When the absolute fear is the worst, I honestly feel as though that if someone doesn't help me, I will die. That makes sleep nearly impossible. The terrible fear of not waking up is the worst.
My anxiety used to just be limited to my panic attacks, but now it has started to affect me all day long, almost every day. My head hurts, my neck aches, my hands and feet tingle and go numb for short periods of time. My stomach hurts constantly. Episodes of severe acid reflux cause left sided chest pain that radiates into my shoulder and down my arm. Things start to look funny. It's like being in a dream. Things look surreal, as though you cannot focus on any one thing. It is almost impossible to function daily.
Yet, despite all of my ailments, I attempt to put on a happy face and try to keep it together for the kids. Thankfully, Xanax doesn't knock me on my butt like it used to, so if I'm desperate, I can take one and still be perform my motherly duties as needed. The good news is that I'm usually pretty good during the day....it is night time when things really come to a head for me. I'm becoming very afraid of bedtime.
Comments
Post a Comment